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Friday, November 23, 2012

What a man wants

CHOICES. In seeking to understand men, the Women of Makerere Full Gospel Church invited the Men’s Ministry to speak to them. Turns out men want much more than what today’s typical woman offers, writes Dennis D. Muhumuza. 

A young woman prayed passionately for “Mr. Right.” God responded accordingly, except that the man was physically not what she had expected. “He’s too small,” she confided in a friend, who foresightedly advised her to take a chance since the guy had all the qualities she wanted apart from his diminutiveness.A year into marriage, the small man filled up to the delight of the woman. Oftentimes men are rejected on account of their prevailing circumstances. Most women seek security but forget that it is not guaranteed by a man’s physical stature or material possessions.
A beautiful couple: men are looking for the friend they married

“The man that seemingly has nothing today could have everything tomorrow,” says Godfrey Mwanje, urging women to have a little more faith. Some women have also failed to appreciate that we approach life differently. Men are soldiers and women are tender like the roses they love to sniff. They should know better than to spend days sulking when the husband does not notice your new hairstyle. Men rarely notice such things unless you are a one Betty Kyakuwa spotting a “mountainous headgear”! The fact is most women are not ready for hard truths. She has these trousers that make her look like a cartoon but expects you to say she looks sexy in them!

“Good communication is the ability to receive hard messages,” says Eric Settuba, a father. Maybe your husband is the conservative type that finds thongs repulsive. Instead of blackmailing him with how other men would kill to see you in a thong, just go to the next shop and get yourself some nice cotton pair of “mothers’ union” if that is what turns him on.

Moreover men need words of affirmation but most women behave like the wife of Job who told him to curse God and die. If your man is starting a business that is impossible, don’t tear him down with negative talk; engage him with wisdom lest he thinks you’re judging his business sense. Submission comes in, and it’s not about you kneeling for us. It is simply about “acknowledging the man as the leader in the home,” as David Kamugisha defined it.

This does not make a man an autocrat who ignores the wife’s constructive input. The problem is the typical modern woman who is educated and probably earning more. She relegates all family activities including serving her husband, to the housemaid. She has developed the “balls” that make her return home at odd hours but expects the man to remain docile about it. She has tranfered the power she exercises at her work place to her home as well. Alas, the man is looking for the friend he married but finds an aggressive woman who thinks life revolves around going up the corporate ladder and making as much money as possible. It’s not bad to be ambitious but retain your modesty, that’s what we are asking.

A laugh will not hurt anyone
Also, we want to feel valued through your words and deeds. When you laugh at our jokes even though they are not funny, when you discover our favourite dishes and have them served frequently, we love it. Some women are overly concerned about trivialities like how a toothpaste tube ought to be squeezed. Then they prattle on when a man is dying to have some peace after a long day. Basically men are naturally introspective while women are “cackling creatures”, to use words of one writer. So a woman who knows when to speak and when to hold her tongue is a woman that understands her man.

Then some women think all we want is to be “sexed up.” No doubt sex has its place but without you keeping clean and in shape, you’ll keep complaining about us not taking you to the peak! Besides, if you slept around a lot before marriage you can’t expect your man to be a sexual wizard that pulls all the tricks of your past lovers. If that’s what you want, teach your man but go about it wisely. As Humphrey says, “Sex is a beautiful gift from God to the married and the highest form of communication.”

So if in a fit of anger you tell off your man about his “small member”, women who think otherwise will snatch him. Consider the words of Pierre la Mure in The Private Life of Mona Lisa: “Men, and husbands in particular, are prone to think themselves as great lovers. The perfect wife must never fail to let him keep his illusions on this point. Tactfully, she should extol his amorous prowesses and he would love her for it.”

--Sunday Monitor, November 18, 2012