Rules of the first date

By Dennis D. Muhumuza

This article was provoked by a recent Facebook discussion about dates gone wrong. It’s dedicated to men unfamiliar with chivalrous behaviour that are planning on going on their first dates.

Confidence: Firstly, some men begin to panic the second she agrees to the date. What shall we talk about? Listen, you don’t have to be under pressure to talk when you are a man of few words. You can have a friendly conversation with her without even words if you are genuinely interested in her. Do not dare leave her alone to go to the Men’s to compose yourself. And don’t answer your phone on your first date –it is rude. She should be your interest completely; look into her eyes when she speaks to you; do that without staring lest you freak her out. Listen with concentration when she talks, and take your time answering her questions. Do not try too hard to be funny; women know superficiality, so do not make a fool of yourself. Be real with her and with yourself. That confidence should earn you a second date.

Call on your arsenal of social graces and treat her like a lady

Noble intentions: Please keep your eyes away from the ‘apples’ on her chest. You are not on a date with her boobs! You do not want her thinking you were not interested in her but in laying her, do you? Some men also think a woman agreeing to a date is a ticket into her or your bed after the date. So she is “a detoothing bitch” if she says no. Listen, man, women love men with noble intentions, men that respect them as interesting people, men that would proudly introduce them to their close friends and relatives. If you make her believe you are that kind of man without even telling her, she wll be looking forward to a second date with you.

Have enough money: Some girls have talked of guys that asked them to split the bill on the first date. That is unforgivable, man. Why did you invite her for that important first date when you could not afford it? It is common sense that taking a girl to a posh place will cost you. So do your homework; visit the place beforehand, look at the menu and make calculations in the mind and let the girl never know about that! There is nothing as shameful as breaking into a sweat when the bill is brought. And then you start haggling and saying you did not know it was this expensive moreover at the top of your voice, with spittle splattering from your mouth; it is unforgivable. Can’t you tell from her facial expression that your date wants the ground to swallow her for the shame you are subjecting her to? Why didn’t you take her to a kafunda in kikubo if you wanted it cheap!

Impropriety: Speaking rudely to waiters when the order is delayed is inexcusable. And so is lifting that chicken wing in the air before telling the waitress to take it back and bring you a thigh instead! And please, do not talk with food in your mouth. My uncle used to pull our ears when we did it even when we were still young. And if she asks a question when you are chewing, do not rush to swallow to answer her quickly – you might choke. And after the meal, do not move out of the hotel with a toothpick sticking out of your mouth. And please do not belch loudly, or have too much wine like some guy that could not hold it and ended throwing up on the table. It will all revolt her into never seeing you again.

You are welcome!

--Sunday Monitor, May 06, 2012