Fathers, don’t abandon your responsibilities

BY DENNIS D. MUHUMUZA

 The recent sex-tape scandals featuring university students left many parents wondering what they must do to stop the bug of promiscuity and shamelessness from sucking their children. Stephen Langa of Family Life Network, says the antidote is in parents, particularly fathers taking up their positions to train their children in the right path and they will not depart from it when they grow up.

Mr Stephen Langa and his wife

The family life counsellor and sexual-purity crusader was the key speaker at a recent Men’s Convention organised by the Men’s Ministry of Makerere Full Gospel Church. Langa says immorality and general corruption is linked to the absence of mentors and true fathers in our society. Materialism has led fathers to relegate the role of parenting to househelps in a bid to make more money.

 “Expensive toys and flat TV screens beaming Cartoon Network 24/7 make children rootless and weak,” Langa said, adding that the role of a father is to raise God-fearing, autonomous, responsible and productive children.

He proceeds to give essentials of true fatherhood that will help the nation to raise responsible children who will protect the moral fibre of the nation. Fathers need to create time from their business and ‘busyness’ for their family. Most of them leave early and return late all week through. And on weekends they are busy talking and watching soccer, and squandering time in bars. Long gone are the days when parents and children used to enjoy the closeness at the dining table as they had supper together. Such days must resurrect. As someone said on Facebook, “If you can find time to make children, you should find time to spend with them.”

Attend visiting days at school, celebrate your children’s birthdays, call a photographer and pose for pictures together and have one-on-one time with each of your children at least thrice a week. And then they will not grow up seeking attention and love which makes them susceptible to wrong elements.

Langa also advises fathers to make conscious decisions to be good fathers.

“It will cost you a lot; it involves self-sacrifice but it is worthwhile,” he says, “It’s the pride of every parent when children grow into responsible citizens who cannot get easily compromised, and with integrity love to play their role in building the nation.”

Fathers, teach children the right path and when they grow up they won't depart from it

He adds that fathers need to discover themselves; know their strengths and resolve weaknesses. This tip is essential to prospective husbands and fathers particularly those who were brought up in broken homes. They don’t want to make the mistake of carrying the baggage of the past into their marriages and loading it onto their wives and children. Part of discovering yourself, says Langa, is accepting who you are, which will give you the confidence to face the responsibilities and challenges that come with fatherhood.

“Do yourself and your children a favour by loving their mother,” Langa advises, adding that when your children know that you love their mother, it gives them inner stability, security, confidence and joy essential for them to perform well in everything they do. A good father should have the discernment to understand the emotional needs of his children.

Langa says some fathers make the common mistake of discriminating against their children depending on their talents and intelligence.

“Children need unconditional love. Speak words of affirmation and always encourage them to give their best because children need a sense of self-worth that comes from seeing you value them.” 

Moreover, 80 per cent of what children know is learnt through observation and imitation. If you curse and handle people roughly and disrespectfully and tell lies, be sure your children are bound to emulate you. Therefore, be everything you want your children to be: honest, hardworking, generous, kind, and all those ideals, well knowing that tough lectures are not effective compared to demonstration.

It is also essential for fathers to get equipped with good parenting tips by attending men’s conventions. Iron sharpens iron, so it takes a man to build another. By learning from each other, they can go a long way. There is also a lot to learn from books on fatherhood and from the internet.

Felix Laiti, father of six confesses that he does his best to talk to his children:  “Whenever I am home, we talk and they have a myriad questions whose answers are not as easy but I answer,” he says. “Talk with rather than talk at or down your children.”

Langa agrees as he advises men to be approachable: “Do not be the type of fathers whose children run away when they enter the sitting room. Hold a conversation with your children, be a good listener and know what their little fears and triumphs are. They love it.” 

Great fathers run their homes using Biblical values and principles. These include love, kindness, honesty, hard work, generosity, patience, forgiveness and related virtues.

“If you apply the positive values given in God’s word,” concludes Langa, “fatherhood will be a blessing.”

--Sunday Monitor, November 24, 2013