Young lecturers raid the classes

DENNIS D. MUHUMUZA

Lack of senior lecturers at the Ivory Tower has opened way for junior lecturers. These are disarmingly clever ladies and gentlemen who accomplished their university education a few years ago with good grades; a first class honours or probably an upper second degree. Some are hardly 25 years of age.

In the lecture room, students feel free to engage wits with these lecturers. The lady lecturers have been stunned at the bold guys who once or twice have shyly suggested a date.

The lecture room has become a foundry of rib-cracking jokes and an arena in which the art of showmanship is staged. Good or bad, students love it.

A lecturer will ignite his topic with flashes of humorous kabozi [chit-chat] that keep students entertained. It could be about a fat mama who kept farting as she surfed the net. Or when a lecturer asks why 70 percent of the campusers never vote in guild elections, students will quickly answer, “We’re below age” sealed by a chorus of laughter.

Then a cell phone rings. An argument gets really heated when this ‘predator’ rings, “it interrupts the flow knowledge,” a lecturer will fume.

Likewise, a tough professor will be busy boiling down those philosophical concepts when gadget buzzes yet again. This really annoys. “Switch off your brief-case Erickson,” a student will shout from the back.

“Professor,” another will join in, “I think it’s a yellow that yells like a saint in hell!”

Campusers for the ultimate show-off effect use handsets with message alerts and gaming sounds. When those loud humming sounds disrupt a lecture, assistant lecturers especially women feel looked down upon. Revenge is in form of an unexpected assignment where the top student scores 50 percent and the last 10 percent.

But back to our world of fanfare, a lecturer strolls says he wants the class to write a one-page speech about leisure as enjoyed by students.

“Yes, G-strings and mothers unions,” a funny boy will say.

Even politics finds its way in somehow. Pro-third term lecturers say good things about what the movement government has done adding, “Even Gulu is more happening than Kampala.”

“Does it have a traffic jam?” a Makererean will challenge.

Some guys come to the lecture room dressed like wrestlers, other like bafume [traditional medicine men]. A lot more girls expose their huge navels.

Others wait till a lecture is halfway through before they enter accompanied by that click-clack sound emitted by their high-heeled shoes. They love it when heads turn.

--Daily Monitor, Saturday June 5, 2004, page 12

The campuser is one big employer

DENNIS D. MUHUMUZA

The Makererean is the greatest employer at the university campus and the neighbouring Wandegeya. For long, many people have opted to dismiss this fact but the truth is that about 98% of the human workforce at Ivory Tower is employed off the campus.

Regretfully, instead of honouring and treating their employers with fear, honour and trembling, many never seem to recognize how important the student is to them. Don’t agree? Well, let me just show you:

The Kasoli seller: The clique includes big mommas who always carry heavy baskets full of boiled maize selling cobs and cobs to students. Their work begins at 6 p.m., and ends at 9 p.m. They usually bring around their little daughters to help. It is a woman thing; I’ve not seen a man trying his luck. Unfortunately, these women sometimes sell maize that has overstayed and is beginning to rot. One good point is that these women worship campusers and if the latter had something like a third term, I’m sure they would front such novel cause in bisanja gowns as they sing to Lucky Dube’s God Bless the Woman, paraphrased to ‘God bless the campuser!’

The photocopier attendant: Again, it’s a woman atop. Lecturers come to lecture rooms and rumble, “Pick the notes at Madina’s photocopying machine” [most women attending to such machines are Madinas.] Rumour has it that many lecturers own these photocopiers. If this were true, then students employ lecturers as well. Besides, the attendants always hike prices to get themselves njawulo. What’s more is that sometimes their machines are so old; you can hardly make out the words after their ‘thorough’ work. Have they conspired with lecturers who are ever leaving heavy volumes of books to be photocopied? Could it be high profile detoothing?

The dobby women: In these, you find the pretty, the toothless and the young women. So good at negotiating the price of washing your heavy bed cover, these women based in all halls of residence never lack work. From washing student’s clothes, carpets or even cleaning rooms, they always dig up the campuser’s ferocity when they scrub your white tee-shirt with a heavy brush. They too don’t care; are always doing shoddy work but the way they scram for the quick buck is indescribable!

The cobbler: These, like Shakespeare wrote, live by their awls but are always bending your shoe. Then there are the tailors, the canteen attendants ever juggling prices, the Rolex-maker, the bakubas or mercenaries hired by the ‘coloured’ students to do course-works on their behalf. Oh, then there are the Wandegeya sluts…without campusers, all these could descend into oblivion.

But why is the employer not repaid with fair work and respect? Well, they had better stand warned. If the campuser says enough is enough and loosens his ax, it will be time to learn something and forget nothing!

--Daily Monitor, Saturday, October 9, 2004, page 11

The days of Yellow are no more

By DENNIS D. MUHUMUZA

I loved my yellow. We were very fond of each other. I called her my laptop. I vividly recall as I prayed on my knees, from the bottom of my heart that Yeshua connects me. And how in the deep of that night, I had received a call from my missionary uncle in Miami to realize that God had answered my cry. Apparently, he had sent me some dollars, wanted me to go Samsung so we could keep in constant touch. At least I would also join the boys as a bunch of 'on-air campusers.'

So with the warm dollars still burning in my pockets, I went to tawo, yielded to my love for chips and ended up buying Yellow instead of Samsung. What a cool MTN Sendo ka-phone! Yet it cost me a mere 140,000. I'm telling you the day I walked into the lecture room I anxiously thundered: "I got it!"

"What?" the guys shouted

"A Yellow cutie phone," I shouted back as I proudly displayed my gadget before the blockheads laughed like crazy. One malnourished-looking guy went as far to say the thing was a toy for kids but I knew it was envy speaking. Another babe added that its colour was inflammatory. I almost hit her but stopped myself.

Well, my dear Yellow went on to become the mother I don't have here with me scaring the girls away from hooking up with me. What dame would identify with a guy holding a yellow phone? But anyway, I fancied the prettier Yellow more than these gold-diggers. But now that it's gone, daughters of Eve are breaking into my already broken world. When I had yellow, we were busy playing games that helped keep the hookers off. Now I just sit and gaze. And behold, the girls come in a bunch to distract!

I reminisced the good times I had with Yellow; she resembled a small fish. The day I got her, we hugged and slept in the same bed as she lulled me to sleep with infectious ring tones. Banjo was my favourite.

There is no doubt that wherever Yellow is, she recalls the trouble I went through to protect her.
Once I was chatting with Uncle D in Miami when someone teased: "Hey, chatting on your filth?"
He had the audacity to add that I was a campus villager. Definitely infuriated, I got involved in a skirmish and almost forced the University Disciplinary Committee.

Now if it's not the same Lumumbist that has kidnapped my Yellow, then who could be that foul human being with grisly diabolically long hands that only snatch other people's phones? I can't believe it's almost two weeks yet my 'army' mates haven't helped yet. Oh God how I want to slash somebody's neck. I swear I'll if my Yellow is not returned!

--The Daily Monitor Saturday, June 26, 2004, page 12

Lessons learnt from kikumis

The boys and I recently decided to pay a visit and sample out kikumi-kikumi food; what non resident campusers call "steaming hot, sumptuous meals." Very tired of the monotony of weevil-filled beans[murram] and the not-so-nice tasting kawunga served in Nkrumah Hall [where all recess male students reside], we headed for a nameless food kiosk near Mulago View hostel.

This period slow as it is and quiet because many colleagues are holiday-making, boredom has held our appetites for a ransom; one has got to feed the stomach more than the normal three times a day!

So we set out ready to disprove the saying that our mother [Nkrumah] was the best chef, if you like. And we arrived at this kikumi-kikumi. The inside was cut-clean as we beheld a mother figure waitress with fat cheeks, big dimples and an open gap in her front set of teeth. God the smile was generous too!

As the delicious aroma from someone flying rice seduced our noses, hunger emerged, our small intestines stirred inside us as our large intestines grumbled impatiently as if to say, "I can't wait to be fed."

We made our order. A balanced diet plate pregnant like mount Elgon went for a mere Shs500. Food ranging from matooke, irish potatoes, offals, potatoes, rice, name it, it was there. Trust campusers, we ate like Oliver Twist; couldn't wait to ask for more but by the time we were done, our sacks aka stomachs couldn't enlarge for more.

Problems though: the food was over-fried, yellowish with too much food colour, and slippery like mucus because of too much oil. Of course Makerereans don't give a hoot but we started to mind when our food compartments began to fill. We soon finished and left expelling unpleasant gas through the rear-end and burping noisily from the stomach through the mouth. It was way too much gas!

For no reason at all, one guy excused himself and threw up there beside the road. Another's teeth had cracked because of too many stones in the beans: "Wrecking the stability of my teeth" is what the guy who had lost a part of his molar termed it.

Rice husks made our bellies stony. It was a lesson hard learnt. And there and then, on that jolly but unfortunate-turned evening we decided that we would rather enjoy our kawunga than think of the 'sumptuous meals' prepared by the big dimpled chubby lady with a generous smile.

--The Daily Monitor, July 24, 2004, page 12

Kikumi-kikumi waitresses, the in-thing

Last week, the story was on a bunch of campusers who returned with stomach upsets that turned into diarrhea following meals from the cheap food kiosk near Makerere. Even when they fancied the chubby waitress with an open smile, they vowed never to set foot near kikumi-kikumi again.

But never trust a campuser to keep his word. It was not a week yet when the guys flocked back in huge numbers. The hottest chit-chat is how these gents have found kikumi-kikumi waitresses the sexiest ever that God created! Blame it on the new quiet campus and its romantic serenity but the boys of Makerere are doing more than what Adam and Eve did on that eventless Sunday evening in the moony garden of Eden.

While their brothers and sisters are luxuriating either in leather sofas inside the gates of multi-million mansions owned their tycoon parents, or as peasant sons and daughters grow muwogo in yonder upcountry homes during holidays, these campus remnants are mastering the politics of seduction in a rather practical way.

Accordingly, they flock to the inferior restaurants under the guise of lunching. Then they utilize the opportunity to seduce the easygoing waitresses for later raunchy escapades. As it is, these joint wannabes love hanging out with campusers and Nkrumah has become the harbour in which lust is quenched.

You can argue that it's because campus babes are expensive and too mean to bench since it means taking her to I Feel Like Chicken Tonight in Wandegeya. They are also few and not interested in containing the brimming lusts of these Ivory Tower hunks which explains why the give-no-damn chaps have turned to kikumi-kikumi, the shopping mall for babes.

Consequently, lunch hour has become one in which you spot campus chaps cheekily whispering in the ears of giggling waitresses. It's a normal spectacle to spot a campuser chatting chummily with a kikumi-kikumi babe or stealthily pinching the girl's bottoms in suggestive ways. I've seen many look left and right to see whether anyone is looking before making the maids chuckle. No one is complaining; these women are enjoying such magnitude attention.

They now neglect their work as you hear the chief waiter shouting at the top of his voice, calling out to these females to come and serve clients: "Madina, Magdalena…banange mujje musavinge abantu!"

This is when such cooks and waitresses in dirty bikinis and ever-sneezing noses realize that they should be serving people instead of dilly-dallying with campus boys. But at the end of this get-to-know-you mode, the sharp guys strike secret codes with their lovers cum lust-mates with whom they take their affairs to their rooms to engage in spontaneous sexual bouts before finally booting, chucking or kicking [in campus-speak] the poor women.

Few escapades linger on until they too crumble like a pack of cards. It's the devil out to conquer the world!

--The Daily Monitor, Saturday, August 7, 2004, page 12

Freshers Styling Up

MAKERERE- It is more than two months since first year students reported to Makerere University. Their innocence was wholesome with girls coming to lecture rooms dressed in long skirts, and the boys clad in trousers, long sleeved shirts and sparkly polished shoes.
But hardly had they discovered that their dressing style differed from that of continuing students than good old Professor Livingstone Luboobi said there should be a dress code at campus. It pierced so deep that the controversial Dr. Sylvia Tamale-the lady well acquainted with waves of liberty screamed, "Noooo!!

Others joined her protestations: "How dare an intellectual such as the Vice Chancellor say such a thing?" they wondered and before the answer to the discourse was a yes or a no, the inexperienced freshers quickly saw the light. They realised that they had been dressing as though they were monks or nuns and they have now discarded the old fabrics in favour of the true campus fad. Guys have embraced faded, knee-tattered and dirty jeans, caps, t-shirts and heavy shoes to look cool, calm and collected.

The girls strut about happy and pretty, donning long pants with visible panty lines, popping g-strings and tight tops (by the way, the bra is never the vocabulary of a campus dame.) They don't mind arriving in mini skirts spiced with slits that ascend all the way to the knickers, with their lips awash with makeup, pinned noses, rare hairstyles and model-like catwalks, what a way to go!
...................
Campus Mania excites Kyambogo
KYAMBOGO-The previous weekend, it was a fun-filled day at Kyambogo University with selections for those to vie for Shs 1m cash in a radio game show dubbed 'Campus Mania.'
A tough and loud evening had students from Uganda Christian University Mukono, Ndejje, Makerere, Nkumba universities, KIU and the hosts Kyambogo strive to answer a series of questions.
The emcees- Marcus and Muji tried to rock the students but it was the students' unimpressive dance strokes and lame jokes that somehow provoked excitement.
When gospel singers Hum K and Harmony 6 came on stage, the crowds raised their hands in mid-air, cheering, singing and dancing along. The night wore on but the music and fun made it look young and vibrant as the crowd that had grown bigger and thicker. Students won gifts that included glasses, t-shorts, caps and much more.
In the games galore, a sport was played with the passing of a tennis ball from one person to another using only the chin and neck to help. It was fast and exciting as students yelled and screamed with glee.
Five finalists were picked from the named universities and these will be competing in a show that will run this December on Power Fm. It’s going to be tight and tough, no second or third prizes, just one winner!

Published in Daily Monitor, December 9, 2004

Thingz are tight at MAK

MAKERERE- The hottest phrase on campus is 'thingz are tight!' Indeed! It's a kind of tightness that began with the confusion that kicked off the guild presidential elections. The story is now history! Kibalya was declared winner.
And as the dust seemed to settle, supporters of Jet John Mwebaze still feeling cheated caused more havoc and foiled the swearing in ceremony of the new guild team. Then their man JJT (as he is popularly known) dragged the Electoral Commission and the University administration to the High Court accusing the Vice Chancellor of instigating tribalism. He alleged that the VC said that if the Electoral Commission declared a westerner winner, he would resign. We are waiting the courts decision: will it decide to throw out JJT's petition or call for a re-run?

Ironically, this ugly face of politics extended to the halls of residences where one had to win depending on whether he played the Kibalya vs JJT politics well. It is this confusion that voting in Africa and Complex Halls was extended until Friday when students went to the polls.

Now, books have also become tight. Tests, course works plus exams are around the corner. Those still playing dirty politics SMS lecturers asking that tests be postponed.

Now you understand what is meant when campusers say "thingz are tight!"

Published in Daily Monitor, May 19, 2005

Exam time

MAKERERE- The trying times of catching up with revision are here, but the library can only accommodate a few students. One student alluded to finding reading space as difficult as entering a rat hole. It is always packed to capacity whatever time you choose to go there.

By the break of dawn, the library is already quaking under the weight of students laying siege by its doors. When it is finally opened at 7a.m., only the fittest and toughest of the swarms will manage to enter.

Blame it on the examination period or still on the university authorities who are fond of increasing the number of admitted students per annum but do little to provide more reading space. That aside, those who manage to creep in and get seats stay watchful because as one stands up to stetch him or herself, their seat will be snatched.

It's also amusing how the beautiful girls who use the library only during examination time hassle, with tears flowing down their cheeks while struggling to find a seat in the library. Some students have to read while squatting due to insufficient furniture.

Published in Daily Monitor, January 20, 2005

Payback time at Mak

MAKERERE- Students who used part of their tuition fees on their girlfriends are stranded and are looking everywhere for anyone who can help them top up the money.
The joys of campus and its irresistible distractions sometimes call for using part of the tuition fees with the hope of recovering the money during the course of the semester, but unfortunately they haven't.
For those who have the money, the bank is buzzing with lines of students and even getting a bank slip is a long hurdle to jump. The other day, the guy in charge of one of the centres where bank slips are picked denied an Education student bank slips. The panicking guy begged on bended knees and could not hold back his tears but the adamant 'boss' insisted that he had been directed to dish out the papers to only Faculty of Arts students.
Just imagine how riling that can be! Everyone knows students have the right to pick those slips from anywhere at campus, but when 'bosses' make a big issue out of it, it sometimes explains why strikes at campus are ever blazing.

Published in Daily Monitor, January 13, 2005

The wayward ways of rabid campus dogs

Due to idleness, stray dogs around Makerere University have taken to indecent behaviour. Quite often, students have bumped into a bunch of huge and fierce looking dogs fighting to have sexual pleasure with their female mates.

These male dogs show very unsubtle signs of uncontrollable lust as they scramble to mount the female counterpart. In the heat of the moment, a dozen or more tend to forget that they are besieging the tiny paths around this great hill. Some though, with white and black strips look gorgeous even when they are howling hellfire at each other.

Such behaviour has gotten them undivided attention from campusers especially when they flaunt different, hypnotising styles in doing their thing. These dogs can't find asylum to mate in privacy – not that they care. They commit the once sacred but now abused act in broad daylight leaving Makereans hooked.

Once when I watched, one huge dog faced the opposite direction of the female. They were intertwined like woven designs in a basket. Then other males howled with obvious envy, but both dogs remained unbothered. One student who had watched the dogs play it live and unprotected wondered, "Was this a question of rape or early heat?"

"This beats me too," another chipped in, "dogs are ever horny in summer nights, it's only winter, may be kimansulo has visited the poor beasts as well, huh!"

By the time we left, they had displayed no signs of disengaging. Which to me explains the birthroots of city stray dogs the press has written about quite often. May be animal rights activists could think of ways to control these dogs or make a trumpet call for animal doctors to design dog condoms. Else their population will override that of man, at least around Makerere University!

Published in Daily Monitor, May 8, 2004

Presenting...the Ivory Tower’s hunks

The use of the word 'hunk' is as common as it can get among campus babes. While the Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary defines this as "a man who is big, strong and sexually attractive," girls at the Ivory Tower use this word to refer to a guy they fancy.
Never mind that the chap may resemble a chimp, as long as he got the dough, he'll be a 'hunk.' Surprisingly, it's the most intelligent girls one witnesses going beady eyed as they splash beautiful words about their 'hunks.'
"Guess what!" she'll excitedly tell her mates, "Derrick took me out last night. Oh I love him, he's such a hunk." They make him sound like an Adonis and you cannot help feeling jealous.
For instance, there's this guy, in my class. He's got scary skin and a huge nose. His feet are heavy and his breath really does reek. He smokes like an old pipe-puffing Rastafarian woman. Heavy bangles encircle his wrists and an earring dangles from a hole on his left ear. He carries himself like a god, but you would not class him as your fine specimen. The lad is ugly.

But for some reason campus babes are mad about him. Yes I know he walks with a spring in his step and has got a smooth baritone voice but does this make him a hunk? Our ladies think so and more so when he smiles. This object of interest has got lots of shillings as well. Like Carl Sundburg wrote, "When you got lots of money, you feel very funny/ And snug as a bug in a rug." This guy fits this description and girls would die to have him.

Besides, he's got such strong arms that when they circle those tiny waists, the girl's adrenaline flows. At least that's what campus babes say. Thus it's always the strongest, the macho guys you watch in movies and this guy that have a helluva lot of tricks down their sleeves to make them hunks in the eyes of campus Delilahs.

So guys, good looks, explicit honesty, and flair of speech no longer count. If you're broke and skinny, even if you have the warmest of grins and the finest set of teeth, campus damsels will never be yours. Such girls can only give in to 'hunks' - the bad boy with a sense of humour and a rat face. Free spirits not satisfied by the pleasures of the world. Those with lots of cash to splatter around. The groovy type that will be ready to gamble through life intensely and compulsively no matter what. If you cannot comply, then you deserve no place in the hearts of Makerean girls, for my dear, you’re no hunk.

Published in Daily Monitor, May 15, 2004

Diets that decide who your love will be

It's incredible the way these so called academicians nourish themselves. Eating small portions of food is the present fad. A chapati is the most consumed delicacy on this hill.

It is amazing that campusers relish this small, flat edible, made out of wheat flour and water, rolled very thin and fried. When I went on a benching spree, sorry research spree in most hostels and halls of residence, I was greeted with a "what do you want to have?" to which I would reply, "anything is good for me." And then pints of milk, sodas and tea with a chapati to go would find solace in my tiny-balled stomach. Which explains, why solid food is no longer an in-thing especially for dames who want to retain their waists and shapely curves. Mornings see most of these ladies serve themselves hot tea or chocolate and bread with fried eggs spread with tomato sauce.

Broke students have as well come to detest munching away at murrum (weevil laden beans) and kawunga. Instead, mugs of thick millet porridge (nicknamed ekiisanga by Banyankole students) are enjoyed greatly. It's mixed with blue band and sometimes tinned milk and sugar. It's so nourishing that a mere cup makes you feel like you will last for eternity. Millet flour is also cheap but most students from upcountry districts come with what lasts a semester.

The affluent students delight in purchasing packed or tinned foods from Wandegeya, or even 'first class' food joints like Nandos. And friends, if you're impoverished, you'll never find love at this great hill. Which is why students who cannot afford take-aways seek solace from locally made gin (Kasese waragi).

Meeting a Makererean happily staggering to his enclave of a hall after taking a pint for a mere Shs 500 is of the norm. Daughters of peasants who relish daily glasses of juice, with chips, chaps and chicken thighs, goat ribs or broiled fish now don't have a problem going out with Wandegeya taxi drivers. After all they (drivers) can afford it.

Other loaded students fill us with envy when they paw at kilos of pork, fish fillet, veal and sausages (by the way, I never knew what a sausage was until recently when a girl kindly chose to take me out and buy me one.)

"Posho gives me constipation, I can't force myself to eat stuff like that," Julius a first year Mass Communication student told me.

Campusers eat like kings because good food is fairly cheap. And now, many students own hotplates and electric kettles. The food cooked in halls of residence is considered junk. A student will get his two boiled eggs, a slice of buttered bread or a bun and roll them in two chapatis. With a steaming cup of tea or coffee, this makes an excellent snack. This becomes a daily routine and has reduced the general intake of food prepared in halls.

Unfortunately some of these light foods have ended up giving some girls huge sizes to worry about. They have fought back in an attempt to slim down only to end up going overboard. As with many other things, there is always a price to paY.

Published in Daily Monitor, May 1, 2004

Masscom Online resurrects

MAKERERE- When the Masscom radio went on air, everyone was stitched with happiness. They thought they had found the small path that leads to celebrity world. But they were wrong. The Mass Communication Department made it clear that the radio – Campus FM 107 was for training purposes, nothing more. Students majoring in broadcasting would learn to use the radio equipment, the practical side of programming and basically what it takes to speak behind the microphone.

Of course, the jumpy girls who had thought of becoming the next Christine Mawadri were utterly dejected and complained loudly. And now, the rebirth of Masscom Online has assuaged their fears, especially second year students who are already tired of hunting for the elusive media houses and other organisations from where to do their internship.

Our prospective journalists have been told not to worry, as some will be allowed to do their internship on this e-paper. Masscom Online is a website that was started by Masscom students in March 2002. It had gone into slumber since it was being run by volunteers who have since left. But now that it's up again, campusers interested in practicing the art of writing have gone wild trying to get the scoop on whatever 'stupidity' takes place around our beloved Ivory Tower!

Published in Daily Monitor, April 28 [see the last story], 2005

Mak quiet

MAKERERE-Campus is unusually quiet. Save for a few foreign students who stayed behind and other 'homeless' dudes (just joking), the rest are home still burping following a great Christmas feast and getting ready for the New Year fete.

Strutting around Makerere, you will be surprised at how quiet it can be. The fleet of cars that always drop girls or park at the hill are no more. It is strange that one cannot spot any catwalk at the Ivory Tower. It's a secluded university. A few birds here and there can be heard chirping joyously as if to pray that the festive season forever go on.

On Christmas, I moved about and fell in love with bats whose habitat are the trees next to Nsibirwa Hall. Man, these creatures look gigantic compared to the normal sized bats! Not only do they have heavy wing-like arms, but also, their squeals can scare the hell out of a coward. While they are nocturnal and therefore supposed to keep peace and play hide and seek at night, these Makerere creatures look like they have conquered the university.

But then, we are in New Year festivity, lets assume they want to make the best of it before students return to destabilise their peace!

Published in Daily Monitor, December 30, 2004

Arsenal, SA bring untold joy

Breathtaking impeccable, amazing, irresistible, awesome! That and more was the grain of words Arsenal fanatics used to describe the style of the unassailable Arsenal after it was crowned the 2004-2005 English Premiership Barclaycard champion.

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon when the gunners became the first side to sweep through the entire season unbeaten. Only Preston North End managed that feat in the 1888-1889 soccer premiership season with only 22 league games.

But last weekend Arsenal went 40 games without a sting making a record that may never be broken. With such footballing, soccer lovers at this hill had reason to jubilate.
There was a feel of making merry round all the halls of residence and hostels around campus. Students sang hosanna, celebrating as if they belonged to Highbury.

It was clear that soccer is so deeply ingrained in the veins of campusers. The real action was at Mitchell hall the true land of Arsenal maniacs. Manchester United fans scared of what would come with the party feigned sickness and excused themselves.

Then students engaged their wits citing Thierry Henry as the finest, smoothest, most fabulous soccer player the world over. In the most graceful and profound style, the French phenomenon netted 30 premier goals.

Makerereans joined the party at Club silk to celebrate with the rest of the Arsenal-Uganda supporters and justifiably so. Drinks flowed; goers and converts alike entertained themselves with chants of Bebe Cool’s Arse, Arse Arsenal yasinga! The rest of Ivory Tower stayed put with red Arsenal jerseys all around; the joy of such magnitude could blind even monks.

The comical twist of the electrifying partying however, was failure to tell who was celebrating what. South Africa winning the bid to host the 2010 World Cup coincided with the Arsenal celebratory jamboree to pave way for more bittersweet ecstasy. A girl who was crying said the humiliation Arsenal went through had finally paid off.

"Everyone knew the treble was ours until Man U buried our hopes of retaining the FA cup. Chelsea then kicked our ass out of Champions League. And now Arsenal makes history, goes the entire season unbeaten, Henry takes the top goal scorers’ medal, is voted players’ best player, Arsenal wins premiership, South Africa is to host the 2010 World cup, it's too good to be true," she said as tears run down her cheeks.

Many others shed tears of joy. Campus was ripe with whistle blowing, drumming and dancing and shouting. For them, Arsenal had reaped more than a treble. And they boozed to show it. In canteens beer quickly run out stock.

Volumes of radios and television sets were turned up as students grappled to catch the latest commentary on South Africa and Arsenal's winning ways.
Nelson Mandela’s speech touched most of the girls. Earlier in the day, CNN had got him live shedding a tear or two. He said he felt like a boy of 15 following South Africa's triumph over Morocco. Many students believe this is a lifetime chance to watch the World Cup live come 2010.

"I’ll be doing my Masters Degree in South Africa. I guess it will open a door for me to watch a game or two," Michael a Drama student said.

So all night long, the party went on as people toasted for the honour South Africa will bring to the rest of Africa when it hosts the 2010 World Cup, and Arsenal for beautifying the good game of soccerR!

Published in Daily Monitor, May 22, 2004

The holiday excitement is over

MAKERERE-Non-residents are not happy these days. Why? Because their addiction to premiership football has hit the rocks as they can no longer access the games. The most affected are campusers residing in the hostels near the popular kikumi-kikumi food joints toward Mulago View Hostel. Satellite Food Joint that used to screen the games closed on Christmas day because instead of reaping profits, the owner was ripped off by his employees. The frenzied fans of European soccer will miss the giant screen at Satellite Food Joint where they have been watching their Man-U, Chelsea and Arsenal games.
The girls are sad because they can no longer take their guys to this place to buy them chips and chaps takeaway. The moneyed students who wouldn't stand the kikumi-kikumi food loved Satellite Food Joint where meals went for Shs1000 a plate. This leaves one restaurant named Skema and unfortunately there is congestion while queuing for food.
Meanwhile, students are back from the Christmas and New Year's break. The excitement is over and its time for books as exams are around the corner, so they are striving to give to Caesar what belongs to him and avoid the torment of seeing stars in the examination rooms.

Published in Daily Monitor, January 6, 2006

Christmas romance at MUK

MAKERERE- The excitement is high! The already broke students trek home this Saturday 18, for a two-week Christmas break. The freshers can't wait to tell their families the story of how grand it feels being a campuser; this, after lots of club partying, hall benching and generally getting acquainted to the great hill.

At that, Campusers have to squeeze the sweetness out these festive season days. Sunday 12 was a fully packed main hall with students enjoying the Afro-Stone variety show. Great jokes, superb dance slides, shapely babes flaunting what their mommas gave them, oh!

Aside, political animals are strategising to bask in the glory that comes with being a guild boss. Next semester are guild election days, so the beat and rhythm of campus politics is on! The ambitious are on a trail circulating spicily designed 'Merry X-mas' cards. Its kind of a show off, guys are promoting their names; their political barometers have to start reading now! Which is why these pocket-sized posters are dancing in campus breeze. One reads, "I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 2005. From a man with a vision for Makerere University."

For all, Xmas romance is at large.

Published in Daily Monitor, December 16, 2004

Grand darkness Beat On

MAKARERE-Last week, the devil descended and born-again students and whosoever was interested were incensed when what was supposed to be a ‘Grand Beat On’ ended up being a ‘darkness beat on!’ By 7.p.m, campusers had thronged the University Hall (UH) grounds to be part of the explosive gospel entertainment organised by MUK Cells (groups of students who go preaching the gospel in halls of residence and hostels).

Anyhow, organisers had just finished the wiring and stationing of the heavy speakers when power chucked and darkness ensued. A small generator was quickly brought in and pumped. Poor thing, all it did was to produce cough-like sounds and kept breaking down as lights kept going on and off. The ‘devil had worked out something’ and it was not until 9.p.m that things normalised. By the time crowd puller artistes like Martin Sseku, God's Image and the dancing group, The Mechanics, came on stage, most students had left.

Nevertheless, good singing and humorous dancing moves excited whoever stayed put, not forgetting the funny bits in the 'fashion show' where male models did some rare strutting that evoked a hearty response from viewers. There was good feeling and shortly after 10.p.m, the concert ended and students left feeling rather light.

Published in Daily Monitor, April 21, 2005

MAK guild campaigns are on

MAKERERE- Campus is yet again on fire with the 2005-2006 guild presidential elections. This is the time when money exchanges hands, when crazy supporters do the paka-chini dance and when logistics (small items like Safi drinks in boys halls and éclairs in girls halls) are dished out by the aspirants.

Last Friday, the campaigns kicked off at the University Hall quadrangle where the 14 candidates gave their best trying to satisfy the political hungry students with flavoured speeches. The moneyed candidates were chauffeured around campus in open roof cars while the penniless could afford a few bottles of crude waragi to boggle their supporters into the craze of shouting at the top of their voices as they did kakuyege for them.

For two and a half weeks, the contestants will be splashing posters all over campus as they look for support. A cross section of students is quite bitter that this time round, no ‘mango’(girl) was brave enough to spice up the campaigns by running against the male counterparts. Nevertheless, the campaigns are the pastime to die for. The fighters have a way with words; some are real jokers who send you down with laughter while others throw in hilarious political jargon in addition to vulgar chants.

As usual, it is the movement government up against multi-partyism and we have to hold our breath till April 25, when the Electoral Commission declares the winner!

Published in Daily Monitor, April 14, 2005

Christmas fete at MUK

MAKERERE-Last Friday, students clad in red gowns and 'Merry Christmas' hoods played pool till dusk. The excitement rotated around Complex Hall as Mitchellex members threw a 'Christmas Bull Roasting Party!'

Back in Mitchell- the dance arena, muchomo was roasted on gigantic sigiris (charcoal stoves) as campusers devoured the nyama choma. It was a great pastime in wait for the grand finale, which was the Mitchellex end of year kasiki.

The evening air whirled; salons generated money and crates of liquor overflowed in canteens. Festive messages warned students not to, "misuse their bodies cause this 'monster' (AIDS) still exists."

It was like a celebration of joy, laughter and happiness that comes forth with the birth of Jesus. By 6p.m, each of the four giant speakers stationed in each corner of Mitchell's lower quadrangle was pumping great jams as students shook their heads to the rhythm.

It was a groovy night for all as even balokole (born-agains) wiggled to the sounds of gospel hits on a special 'Christmas Prime Time' organised by Pastor Martin Sempa at the University swimming pool.

The next day, the students packed ready for home. Wishing them all, a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Published in Daily Monitor, December 23, 2004