A long boring wait for men

By Dennis D. Muhumuza

The 2015/2016 season of Barclays Premier League ends today [May 15]  after 10 sizzling months, leaving many Ugandan men wondering how they will be passing their weekend afternoons before the new season kicks off on August 13.

Soccer, women, money and politics are the top interests of men, no doubt, with soccer having an edge over the others. Even deep in my village in western Uganda nine out of every 10 men who have never stepped in class reel off the names of the star players in the premiership.

It is just amazing how English football has stolen the hearts and minds of Ugandan men. Everyone is a pundit; everyone has a jersey of his team, with his name or the name of his favourite player and his jersey number conspicuously emblazoned on its back. As a Gunner, I too have an Arsenal shirt with my name and number [16] of Aaron Ramsey on it.

It is show time every weekend, and our wives and girlfriends suffer unless they pull off great pretense as soccer lovers too; pulling on jerseys of our favourite teams, jumping and shouting with us when our team scores, and commiserating with us when we lose.The women who have failed to train themselves to love football know nothing but misery on weekends because that is when their lovers squander a lot of money on betting and return home too drunk to spend quality time with them.

Why is soccer so obsessive?
Men are natural hunters; they love the challenge, they love the chase, they love the competition, they love risks; any adrenaline-inducing venture and adventure excites them. The English Premiership gives them an opportunity to wind down; a delightful break from the drudgery of life.

Men identify with rivalry, and the fiercest rivalry is served steaming hot in the Premiership. It begins with top managers bullying one another with words and actions; each trying to establish himself as the real bull of the premiership kraal. Tempers flare on the touchline as managers throw tantrums like Arsene Wenger shoved the pugnacious Jose Mourinho who called him a “specialist in failure”. It is funny watching star players pout when a dent in form gets them benched.

Drama
One time Liverpool coach Jurgen Klopp broke his glasses celebrating a goal while Louis van Gaal dropped his pants to show his critics that he has balls.

The rivalry trickles down to clubs in close proximity, for example, Manchester United calls Manchester City “the noisy neighbours” while Arsenal shares a neighbourhood with Tottenham Hotspurs and for 20 years the latter has been trying to finish above the former in vain.

This extends to fans as we barb one another depending on how our respective teams are performing. The teams attack with a romantic eagerness or defend with extraordinary resoluteness or they are punished. The tempo, the surprises, the howlers, the class acts and the overall intensity and unpredictability leave you drunk with excitement or disappointment as you watch your team shred its opponent. These are moments that make even grey-haired men weep with joy or with pain, shamelessly.

Tension
Leicester City gave us the best tension this season. This is how BBC Radio 2 presenter Jeremy Vine described the Foxes’ performances in February: “You are performing the kind of high-wire act not seen since the French daredevil Philippe Petit strung a cable between the Twin Towers and crossed it without a harness. Every week we expect you to fall…but every week you stay on that cable.”

Leicester City that had gone from last to first in the league in just 12 months went on to win the trophy for the first time in their 132-year history. They did that in style; upsetting the status quo; making the established top teams look like “a bunch of bungling amateurs” as one pundit put it. The underdog had grabbed its chance with aplomb; stirring us with inspiration that we too can make it big time.

In life rarely is the underdog given the chance to prove himself, but in Premier League anyone has his chance. The injury of a big star is an opportunity for an often disregarded player to prove himself as a diamond that was hidden in the rough.

All the above combined is why it will be a tough wait for most men out there before the top English professional football league resumes.

--First published in Sunday Monitor, May 15, 2016

The greatest show on earth is here

DENNIS D. MUHUMUZA

In a 1992 Collier’s Encyclopaedia article, Chris Wood says to forget soccer’s World Cup, baseball’s World Series, even the Super Bowl; that “Only one event truly fulfils the grandiose claim of being ‘The Greatest Show on Earth’: the Olympic Games!”

You cannot dispute his observation when you consider the mass of stars from different countries parading every four years and fortnightly battling for medals in dozens of sports as the rest of the world watches.

It’s only at the Olympic Games that national flags of hitherto struggling and unknown nations such as Ethiopia dance spectacularly in the sky; like when Abebe Bikila became the first black African to win an Olympic gold medal. Those who were in the stadium will never forget that delightful day in Rome in 1960, when they saw the small man running barefoot cross the finishing line of the Olympic marathon 200 yards ahead of his nearest competitor.

At the 1932 Olympics in Los Angeles, the first officially recognised female track and field star, Mildred “‘Babe” Didrikson of Texas, set a world record in the high jump and 80-meter hurdles, and won the gold medal in the javelin on her first throw.

How about that electrifying moment during the men’s 400meter semi-final in Barcelona in 1992 when British runner Derek Redmond got injured mid-race but limped on with determination, and fearing that his son might give up due to the terrible pain, his father jumped from the stands, evaded security and aided his weeping son to the finish line while the crowds ecstatically cheered themselves hoarse.

At the Olympics, emotions never before known gush when those who arrived with great expectations return home empty-handed and heartbroken while surprise medal scoopers become instant celebrities.

From early 1986 in Athens – Greece, the Olympic Games, previously largely a Greek affair, were given a facelift by successful French thinker and educator, Baron Pierre de Coubertin, into what is the modern Olympic Games.

A dark cloud has many times descended upon the Games but not overshadowed the euphoria surrounding them. In Germany in 1972, Palestinian terrorists murdered 11 Olympic team members from Israel while 63 countries withdrew from the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow over the Soviet Union’s invasion of Afghanistan. In South Korea in 1988, Canadian runner Ben Johnson set a new world record of 9.79secs in the finals of the 100-metre race.

Moments later, a drug test revealed his use of steroids. He was stripped of his gold medal and record and returned home disgraced. These are only a few of several stains but it’s better to dwell on the definitive moments.

These are best captured in the evolution of the competition. According to Encarta Encyclopaedia, the Olympic Games began in ancient Greece in 776 BC and were celebrated every four years at Olympia in the sanctuary of Zeus, the god of the skies and god of all Greek gods.

Only “honourable men of Greek descent” would come from all over and pay tribute to Zeus by vying with one another “in the splendour of their equipment and the proficiency of their athletic feats.”
The order of events is fuzzy but it’s said that the festival started with sacrifices and on the second day spectators packed into the stadium “enclosed by sloping banks of earth” to watch men wrestle and box each other.

“In the first of these sports, the object was to throw the antagonist to the ground three times” but with time the fights became violent as blows rained with fluid brutality until the vanquished acknowledged defeat.

Then there was horse racing - very popular but a preserve of the rich who could afford a good horse; and then pentathlon: a combination of wrestling, discus throwing, hurling the javelin, long jumping, and splinting. The closing sport was a “race run in armour.”

Unlike today, the winners would “live for the rest of their lives at public expense” after being decorated with wreaths from a sacred olive tree and marching around in glory while the crowd roared and sang the works of the great poets of the day.

After 1170 years, the adorable games were suppressed by the Roman emperor Theodosius until their revival in 1896. Greek millionaire George Averoff supported the cause with some fine Drachmas that helped erect an imposing arena on the foundations of the old Panathenaic Stadium.

That memorable day of the first modern games in 1896 started the popular marathon race, covering 26 miles 385 yards in honour of the ancient Greek splinter Pheidippides, who galloped from Marathon to Athens to announce the Greek victory against the Persians.

The man behind the real revival, Pierre de Coubertin (1863-1937) wanted to promote friendship among nations; something connected to his famous statement: “The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not winning but taking part…the essential thing in life is not conquering but fighting well.”

Since that day in 1896 in Athens, Greece, when America’s James Connolly entered records for winning the first race of the modern games, the world has witnessed and continues to see sports personalities fighting well and ugly if that’s what it takes to win that little thing called medal.

It was the greatest honour for any Greek worth his salt to win at Olympia. And generally all Greeks loved contests and conquests and were consistently driven by one thing –to win. This mentality is now embedded in the psyche of every performer at wherever the Olympics are.

It explains why a 22-year-old African American, Jesse Owens, squashed a long-held Nazi racist ideology that whites are racially superior by winning four gold medals in track and field at the 1936 Olympic Games in Germany. An angry Hitler unwittingly cultivated him cult status when he refused to recognise Owens’s four gold medals because he was black.

It’s the same craving for victory associated with the Olympics that saw “underdog” Nigeria upset “super” Brazil in the semi-final before going on to win gold in the final against Argentina. Viewers will never forget the thrilling exploits of then young Nwanko Kanu with his little figure and sharp ‘French cut’ hairstyle.

The year was 1996 that the first 100 years of international modern Olympic Games were celebrated during which a couple of new sports, such as softball and women’s soccer, were introduced.

This day honoured the ancient Greek games and slain civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. The man who in his best days was known to dance like a butterfly in the ring and sting like a bee, oh yes, Olympic gold medallist and former heavy weight boxing champ Muhammad Ali, lit the Olympic torch.

For the 29th edition of the prestigious Olympic Games which kicked off in Beijing, China on Friday, the same torch was lit in Olympia in March and after being received in Beijing, began on its trip through six continents covering 137,000 km. This is the longest distance of any Olympic torch relay, according to torchrelay.beijing2008.cn, since this ritual started at the 1936 Olympics in Germany.

China has done everything including putting up appearances to make sure the games go well. The New York Times reported in July that in the west gate of the Temple of Heaven and along the Olympic marathon in Beijing, the government built “a 10-foot-tall brick wall” to hide ugly buildings. For a developed and technology-suave country like China, it was laughable and worse than the quick and quack road patch-ups in the name of Kampala city beautification shortly before Chogm.

Truly, Chris Wood was right when he called the Olympic Games the greatest show on earth. However faint the hope, Ugandans will be watching to see if one of our boys in China achieves or come closer to achieving what John Akii-Bua famously did at the 1972 “Olympics of serenity” in Munich, Germany.

--Sunday Monitor, August 10, 2008

Liverpool- the new European Champs!

When Liverpool edged out Beyer Leverkusen, writes Dennis D. Muhumuza, many thought it was by luck...

But then, the evening of the final in Istanbul - Turkey, they moved in for the kill and dumped Juventus along with the new English Premiership Champions out of the much-coveted Champions League semifinal. Lost for words, all Jose Mourinho could do was to console himself: “the best team lost,” he said.

But heck! If indeed, his was the best team, why then did they lose? You may choose to deny it but by the virtue of their new calculative manager, pool of talent coupled with utter determination, I can’t help believing that Liverpool’s days of glory are back! Which is why it will be no surprise on my part when they humiliate the much defensive Italians on
And you don’t have to say never. There is no doubt that the Antifield boys wield enormous talent though they have always been unlucky on local scene. Remember Liverpool is legendary - they have won this championship many times than any other English team.

You may also follow the words of central defender Jamie Carragher who shortly after their encounter with the ‘blues’ said: “we are desperate to get to the days of glory!” And who can stop, a keen hungry team? To once more echo Carragher’s wisdom, “the best teams don't always win the Champions League.”

Liverpool is not certainly the best team in Europe at the moment but you can’t rule out the possibility of them returning home with the scoop after 25th of May. If we go back and turn the pages of history, you probably reminisce the glorious day Greece whipped favorites Portugal, moreover on home turf in the previous European Cup of Nations.

How about when the novice Senegalese left the world in its wake by routing defending champions France in the opening match of the 2002 World Cup! The lion’s of Taranga went on to grace the quarterfinals with their envious streaks of world-class football!

Similarly, this will be reality for a team that has waited for a long time and is probably hungry to see their reflections on the golden mirror of the Champion’s league trophy. In 2002, they managed to reach the quarterfinals, failed to win and now, the hunger is biting and the lads can’t wait.

Indeed, this year’s championship has seen the Reds dodge the sword of ejection where Arsenal, Real Madrid, Manchester United, Barcelona which are considered stronger than Liverpool fell off the swinging pendulum over to the bank before the quarter-finals. Yet, the Reds are still in full contention!

Besides, these guys have had the misfortune of missing on the talents of upbeat players like Alonso, Kewell, Sinama Pongolle, Cissé due to injuries and even Morientes who is cup tied. In fact, if it weren’t for Rafa’s ingenuity in trusting the likes of Dudek, Carragher, Riise, Gerrard, Baros and the lucky winning goal scorer -Luis Garcia, panic would have disorganized his team.

And as I write this, the quality and depth of the Liverpool squad is now a dependable one. They might have the misfortune of not defending the trophy they might win if at all they stay in fifth position in premiership but at least, it will not matter. After all, they will be the European Club Champs!

How troublesome it was to see a miserable crying Terry who just could not captain his team to the final as he has captained it to premiership championship! The agony of loosing was too much for him just like the naked joy of Liverpool fans that stripped with joy because after their team had won against the proud, obstinate Chelsea!

As it is, many fans across the world are waiting to see this joy relived when the D-day approaches for the Istanbul encounter a few weeks from now. There is unbridled hope. History sheets have it that Liverpool last won Champion’s League when a new Pope had just been elected and Prince Charles had just married.

This may be the case this time too, seeing that Charles recently married his timeless frame -Camilla Parker Bowles after which Joseph Ratzinger was crowned the new Pope!That not withstanding, on the evening the ‘Pool’ boys humiliated the ‘Blues’ out of Champion’s League, a Liverpool fanatic was shown in the stands waving a placard with words written in bold: ‘A cup of Rafa’s red is sweeter than Mourinho’s whine!’ They might want to see much of this jubilation, to see if Italian ale will taste much softer than the fine red wine come May, 25.

Whatever the case, the Merseysiders are waiting with bated breath. And I do guarantee that on that day, they will do the waltz alongside the singing of the Champion’s ballad. This I promise you!

Published on Masscom online in 2005