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Friday, January 25, 2008

At what age do most men lose their virginity?

Virginity for boys is the most interesting chapter ever handled! But what is virginity anyway? The dictionary defines it as 'the state of being pure, unsullied or untouched.' Beautifully put, a virgin is someone who is spotlessly clean and has not defiled his body through sexual intercourse with another person, animal or beast.

Uganda harbours a few male virgins because quite a number have already lost it, some through means beyond their own initiative. The good book (Bible) says everyone is born a virgin and all are called to take this purity into marriage. Male virginity holds a special significance and should also be valued. A survey carried out among youths revealed that we have peanut virgin boys.

24-year-old Mwine of Bukoto confessed to have lost his virginity in his third year at the university: "I totally knew nothing about sex, the girl who broke my virginity was so impressed and couldn't believe she had seduced a virgin. Until we broke up, she still had respect for me," Mwine said adding that many of his friends are still virgins.

What a discovery! Boys lose their virginity as early as 13. In reply to when and how many lost their virginity, it was interesting to know that some have no regrets whatsoever.

"I lost it and I have no regrets," says Moses, a Canteen attendant in Mitchell Hall Makerere. "It was at an early age in primary school; in the bush when we were coming from school. It was painful but I was excited that at last I had slept with a girl," he says.

Like Moses, the crave for adventure to experiment what sex is all about leads lots of young souls into losing the desirable chastity.

"I sat next to this girl in one Afro-Stone variety show in the main hall and we were friends by the time the show ended. One weekend, we went dancing at Club Silk… the booze and dancing was too much, the following morning, I was virgin no more," says Kenneth who is now a teacher in Kampala.

At least Kenneth was an adult when he lost his virginity but guys have surrendered their purity to house girls at a tender age.

"I think I was 14 when the housegirl lay on the bed and forced me on top of her. It was a holiday and our parents were always away. I was young but big, and we continued enjoying it till she left," says Ivan who is grateful to the girl who gave him his first lesson on sexual matters.

Unfortunately, many do not use condoms the first time and are therefore open to Sexually Transmitted Diseases such as the fatal AIDS. This is basically the result of what Ivan of Makerere university called, 'a question of gentle rape.'

"Man, this babe comes to your room clad in a hot bikini, smelling heavenly! Then she sits on your bed and keeps turning and sighing, that's how I lost it; I didn't use a condom, the seduction was too much to resist," he said.

The real question however is, when is one supposed to lose his virginity. Those talked to, said there is no age limit. That sex comes spontaneously, "Your hommies are having it, they come to you and say it is OK, you don't want to appear a dummy, so you go out and have a bite of the forbidden fruit," a cheeky Brian said.

There are those whose first experience was by coincidence with a virgin partner. "My first time was with a virgin, a neighbour on whom I had a crush. Because we had the hots for each other, we tried out this game as teens, but it didn't work out but I always had it with her in my dreams," says Junior who finished university last year and is still jobless.

The first time is always an unforgettable story for the guys. The youth believe that virginity in the Uganda of today is impossible.

"People have sex in clubs…people have sex everywhere. Virginity at Campus, and for men-no!" exclaimed Stephen an education student at Makerere University. He said innocents fall under the spell of horny women.

"I got saved after losing my virginity. I felt I had lost my sacredness, I felt used…we had used no condoms and above all, the girl was not even a virgin," cried Allan. "But since, I have learnt to abstain, God has forgiven me and I know He will choose the best wife for me," he says.

The sad thing is that virginity has no spare part. Once lost, always lost. Doctors have made it clear that the first time a person has sex is when they lose their virginity.

Those who lost it said they were driven by the fear to confess to their mates that they are virgins lest they were laughed at. Like you read, girls even worsen the situation as they expect regular sex from their innocent boyfriends.

Nevertheless, more Makerere University students believe they can 're-virginise' themselves and have signed 'true love waits' cards with words, "I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my country, my friends, my future mate, and my future children to be sexually pure until the day I give myself only to my marriage partner in a covenant marriage relationship!"

And they are living true to this commitment. Remember Jesus forgave the woman caught committing adultery by telling her to go and sin no more. Likewise, guys can opt to sin no more by abstaining; only then, secondary virginity will forge a certain hope for the future!

Published in Daily Monitor, December 17, 2004